Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
