Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
