Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
