Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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