i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I believe in your delicious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize