i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Randomize
