All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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