I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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