Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
