hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
