U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize