Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
