When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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