at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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