i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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