I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
