Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
