you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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