It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
