the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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