I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
