I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
