I puked a lego.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
