so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize