well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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