also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
