You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
