I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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