I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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