Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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