I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
