4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
