grandma shit on top of the toilet
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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