You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
