who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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