She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
