so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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