Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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