Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
