She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
