I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
