1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
