Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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