I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize