I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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