I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
