Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You took a bar mat shot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
