I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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