so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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