You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
