My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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