We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
