ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
