After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
