dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize