4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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