dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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