How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
