It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
