Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
