lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
