Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
