I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
