Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
