i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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