I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
