home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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