I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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