Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
