You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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