i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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