fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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