I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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