I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
