You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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