I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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