I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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