and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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