Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
