i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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