pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
