I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize