He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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