Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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