you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
