i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
