once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
