I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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