genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
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