Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want her autograph on my taint
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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