found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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