I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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