I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
