dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
