I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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