Who wears a wallet chain?!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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