did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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